So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
