Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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