The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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