i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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