Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
