She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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