the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
