considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
