he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
