That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Randomize
