I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
