go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
