Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
