So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
