Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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