Pregnant stripper...not hot.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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