Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
