bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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