oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
