You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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