i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
