I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
