Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
