I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
