my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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