So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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