i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
