whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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