Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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