Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
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