Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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