i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
