Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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