they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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