We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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