Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
