i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
