Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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