someone owes me an orgasm
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
