This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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