i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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