my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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