I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
