Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
