Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
