just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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