Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
