You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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