so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
