i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
sex in a hospital.. check
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
