Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
