I showed him my bush... on skype.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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