And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
