I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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