I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
