You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
