Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
i now understand why vodka
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