I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
